A friend of mine doesn't want to go to Easter dinner with her in-laws, but her husband really wants her to go
My friend's in-laws are constantly making references to money and think they are the sole proprietors of informed decisions on the planet. Consumer reports is the Sacred 8-ball of Buying Decisions on everything from toilet paper to lawn mowers to cars to 409, when my friend would like the highest recommendation on a can of Whoop In-Law ***. Should she go and sit with these morons who produced her husband, or sit it out with her own family?
Tell her to grow up - thats what grown ups do they do things that they dont want to do out of respect for the people they love! Deal with it!
A person should always make an appearance, whether said person likes the other party or not. by making an appearance you dont offend anybody by not coming, but you let them know that you are not comfortable by leaving.
Answers:
I think your friend needs to consider long and hard if it's worth it. Is her husband worth it? Is her husband's family worth it? My sources say No.
Your friend needs to begin doing things that is going to make HER happy, and stop worrying about what other people will think.
During the first several years of marriage, a husband and wife usually try out different ways of celebrating holidays. Some try to visit both families on every holiday, some take turns between the two families, and others have the holiday at their own home and invite both families. In any case, I think it is important to spend at least one holiday with her in-laws. Everyone has difficult people in their families. She just need to balance how much she is willing to put up with against what is fair to her and her husband.
They should both put in an apperance at the in-laws and then leave. The reason people get married is to leave the parents and start a home of your own. If he insists on going to the inlaws because it is the right thing to do, then he should consider that he may not want to if he has a choice of his parents or his wife. If he chooses his parents over his wife, then maybe he is not ready to be married and start a life of his own. Here is an example: A girl friend of mine was invited to her inlaws for easter dinner, and she said what do I do they are catholic and I'm not. I asked what the problem was? She said I have to be catholic to be at there dinner table. I asked her if they talked about Jesus at the dinner table or thanked him for the meal they were about to eat. She said 'Always' I looked at her and said 'Jesus wasn't catholic inform your inlaws'
Who said she had to talk. Go for the dinner & husband & wife comfort. THe family must aready believe she has nothing to offer, so what can she lose? A chance to practise mind control. You mean to say she does't already know how to tune out her husband when she wants to? Someday they might ask her a question, then she has the chance to say' I don't know much about the subject; how could anyone have an opinion on everything? Smile Big!
she should support him as he should support her
are there any sick children in the neighborhood? You know, the 24 hour intestinal virus kinda thing where you just must send your regrets that you can't be at their get together, but you are just TOOO SICK to make it...be sure to spend the whole day with the children dear...legitimate reason for not going!
Even though she may not want to attend Easter with her in-laws, it is best to do so. When you enter into marriage you have to realize there are 2 sets of parents and they probably both want you to come to their house. You basically have to take turns if both of you want to spend holidays with your parents. I would advise your friend to make sure her husband knows how she feels so there are no surprises and that way, if he is brave enough, he could say something to his parents as well. She does not have to jump into any conversations or do what they say but she should be there to show support and love for her husband; she did marry him after all. The next holiday should be at her parents if she wishes. There has to be compromises from both sides for holidays to work; unless the couple stays home and the parents have to come! Then they could spend time with both families.
I hope this helps.
Yes, she should go, at least every other year. There are some things that you have to do when you are married, and if the only thing that the inlaws do is be boorish then she can put up with it for Easter Dinner.
Just don't take it personally.
If her husband really wants her to go, then she should go. She did say 'For better or for worse,' when she married him. Maybe he feels the same way about her parents?
I think she should tell him how she feels about going, however, and make almost a deal with him. Maybe they could leave a little early? Or show up a bit late?
No matter what they do they should do it together. If they really make her uncomfortable he should understand. Maybe they should start thier own new tradition, like Easter dinner at thier own house.
Yes of course. The person's own family will always be there -- she can see then/ enjoy their company any time or next Easter. Now, to the morons who produced her husband... first of all, who said life was easy street? This is character building stuff! lol! Seriously, though, it is good to go. Good for your friend's husband, show you are a couple - a team. She should stake out her claim and never ever split up and each go to their respective families! Aaargh no way!
This can be viewed as a way she can earn brownie points from her husband -- he'll owe her big time afterwards.
Another way to look at it is that it is an opportunity to try out some poker bluffs, some persuasion and sales techniques! It is sure tempting to react against each stupid thing they say, but she can rise above that -- smile, and manipulate the situation to make them like her and do things that she wants -- favours and so forth.
Lastly, these sorts of things always bring laughs on the drive home or years later -- a rich life filled with hilarious anecdotes about those morons! Go girl!
It sounds like this is something that your friend and her husband should work out between themselves. Sometimes people have to make compromises in marriage. Seeing as how she's related to these people (her in-laws) it might be nice to try to get along with them.
