Good Screenplay?
Well I havent had time to work on it but if you read it, will you tell me if it sounds good and culd u rate on a extent of 1-10
Freddy Said So
Jake: I'm Jake. I'm 16. I'm dead.
Today I died. Suicide. Not a bullet to the head, Draino, or sleeping pills. It was a get. A jump I could not make. It seems every daylight I live I loathe myself and die just more inside. It may be because I'm gay, it may be because I'm Athiest. But it's probaly both. I go to West Winchester High School. I live in Ottawa, Canada. I used to live within the states till my dad, John Gust, died from a mugging, turned murder. The murderer served only 5 years for Manslaughter.There was nothing I could do to stop the asshole. I testify but my testimony was disprovened because they say I suffered from Emotional problems or some **** approaching that. I was waiting in my dad's car while he be buying smokes in a Texaco. The mugger was 20 year old, Omar Rapheet. He be a coke-head looking for more dope money. I saw him stab my father in the throat. When my dads throat was slit, his neck skin looked close to old beaten leather. That day, I tried to commit suicide by slitting my wrists. It seem Omar owed a big drug dealer named, "Krystal Kleer" or some weird moniker money. He was a very big drug kingpin. He sold to crooked cops and anyone who wanted rises from things they thought that they would never expierience. He owed 700 $ to Krystal. Otherwise Krystal would enjoy him knifed. I never forgave that sorry asshole, Omar.
I have seen a slit throat and I am aphorism this in complete honesty. You don't see the old beaten leather skin,
1. you see the eyes and after in the region of a you can actually see life leave a dying human being.
2. You don't see the skin, you see the throat and everything that used to make it up split in two.
Use Punctuation, use commas to add some energy to a character.
5/10 --sorry i work with scripts....but don't worry most of them are 6-7/10
