My 15 yr old son wants to live w/his dad. Not a fit parent. Lawyers say at 15 he gets what he wants. True?

My X was abusive for 8 years. Held a 9mm on us numerous times, but because his family has lived in Hickville forever, he was NEVER arrested & they have NO records of calls to my house. MY son even thinks his dad's best friend (drug dealer) is a 'cool guy' My lawyer called yesterday & quit. Court date May 9th. Anybody with any family law knowledge? Opinions from young teens also helpful.
I would let him move in with his father so he could see what its like. And if the father isn't fit then your son will just have to find it out the hard way.
I feel for you. I wish I had some answers, but just wanted you to know that I have a 15 year old step-son who does live with his mother. We have had to remove him from the home with a police escort 3 times in the past. The courts keep letting him go back. His mom has decided to 'home school' him now. Which needless to say is not working. He is just staying home and getting into trouble. They live in Wisconsin, and I think the laws are different in each state too. Good luck to you!
I believe that after the age of 14, the kids can have say in it. I don't think it is completely up to the child, but the judge will take your sons wishes into consideration. Good luck to you.
Yes it's legal. But you have to think about his choice !
Laws are different in each state, so don't assume what's true for one person will be true for you. As a general rule though, that is not exactly true. At 15, his opinion weighs in with the judge at court more. But the judge is going to do what is in the 'best interest' of the child. You need another lawyer. You can go to court 'pro se', that is representing yourself, but that is a scary thing to do with this much at stake. Bring paperwork. Evidence of abuse, have you kept a journal of his nastiness? His best friend is a drug dealer? Has he been arrested? Get proof because without it, it is just your word against his with your son as the deciding factor. And if you can, get another lawyer. Another option to try: The dad can always refuse to take him. See if you can persuade him to say no. Your son's wanting to bond with his dad is normal; kids often want what they want, no matter if it's bad for them or not. Whatever you do, don't tell your son that if he goes he can't come back, it's a one-way street, or make him feel like he's a bad person for wanting to go, if you can help it. He can't help it if his dad's a jerk.
Oh my, if you have no evidence against his violence there is nothing you can do. I know that is horrible to say, I wish it weren't true. I know how heart wrenching this is for you. Hopefully by grace your son will witness you ex's true form before he goes to stay. Otherwise he will learn so on his own when the court approves his stay there.

I went to live with my dad when I was around that age. I came back, it wasn't the picture he had painted in my head.
I hope it goes well and he stays with you. You are in my prayers.
Unless you can prove his dad is unfit...the kid will most likely get to live with his dad. Good luck.
you jus need to find a new lawyer and get your son away from his dad because if his dad has a friend that is a drug dealer then that means the dad can be doing stuff to and your son doesnt need to be around that kindof stuff because one day he can think that it's cool and try it.
he's old enough to see the truth with his own eyes. a few weeks of living with reality will make him run screaming back. give in graciously (he might even back off just at that), be uber-sweet about it...'you're right, you're old enough, blah blah) be casual, but observant. check on him daily, but be aloof about it. he'll see soon enough which is the better place to be.
I dunno about laws and such, but when I was 15 I went to live with my father, and that was a mistake. I really feel that I would be a lot farther along in life (15 years later) had I stayed with my mother, the responsible one. Hindsight being 20/20 and all, I would do what I could if I were you to keep him. Especially if the father is abusive and runs with drug dealers. Unfortunately, kids that age are nearly impossible to sway once they've made their minds up, and he'll probably resent you for a while, but once he matures a bit, I'm sure he'll come around. I wish you luck.
-D.
Here at 15 a kid has the say. That is one reason I'm adopting my step kids.

I don't know what to tell you other than it may not turn out like you think. My brother moved in with his dad at 16, and was back in less than two weeks. He figured rules were better than starving to death. There was literally NO food in that house, and his dad was NEVER home. He wasn't perfect after moving home, but was better. Guess he knew that tough love was better than no love.
yes he has some say so, your best hope is to prove the father unfit other wise try appealing to a court in another jurisdiction another option is a restraining order this will temporarily grant you sole custody


Answers:
I can relate. My ex was abusive as well. We've been divorced 20 years now. However, throughout those years, I had some trying times with my 3 children wanting to go live with their dad. They acted like that man walked on water. It made me very angry at times because I was the one who always picked up the pieces when he made broken promises and such. Needless to say, I did let my children stay with him, one at a time. They learned that life with him wasn't all that great and came back to where they knew LOVE. They even preferred having rules and such, verses no rules at all and being left alone alot. Eventually, the child will figure out what the other parent is made of. All of my children have the utmost respect for me now and even though they love their father........if it come down to a boxing match.....my kids would definitely be in my corner!
In my state (Texas) it's 12 years old. Is there a particular reason he wants to live with his dad and not you? Maybe his dad lets him away with anything and you have rules. Do you live in the same city as his father? Maybe you could try pressing charges on him for something in that city and not Hickville and then maybe start building up a record against him. Good luck!
No, I don't believe it's true! I'm in Ohio, don't know where you are, but I bet this is the same in every state. My 14 yr old wanted to go stay full time w/my ex, and I not comfortable with my ex'es lack of parenting skills, and leaving a 14 yr. old under the care of an 18 yr old for wks at a time, when he would travel. (Like no wonder the kid wanted to live there, huh?? No adult supervision, total party-time!).

Anyhow, I got a lawyer. Here, in any question like this, the lawyer can ask the court to appoint a GAL, or gardian ad litem. This person essentially is considered an attorney acting in the childs behalf.
But it's not that they just listen to a childs whims, they interview both parents, anyone the parents ask to also be interviewed (like friends, relatives, anyone who knows the full scoop). They talk to the school and teachers ('which parent comes to the parent teacher conferences?'), evaluate changes in grades since the kid at other parent's house, see who takes kid to the doctor and dentist---they do a complete investigation.

Then the GAL makes their referral to the court as to which residence is in the childs best interest. NOT totally 'who the kid wants to live with', but what's in their best interest.

So I don't think you have to stop here. You need a better lawyer. If your lawyer quit, there's no way you have to show up May 9--but you HAVE to talk to someone. Cuz if you just don't go, and ex does, then he wins automatically. Try legal aid if $$ an issue, or talk to someone at one of those shelters for abused women about what kind of legal assistance is available. They would know how to refer you.
In your story, you SOOOO have the upper hand, if you can get a decent lawyer. Or maybe even children's protective services could work with you legally? I don't know. Get on the phone, woman!!

addendum:
OK, I realize laws are differnt in every state. But I do think that every state has made provision for a GAL.
Wanted to let you know that my son, also, couldn't wait to get home from dad's after awhile. They do know where they are loved and safe.
My heart goes out to you, and my prayers as well.
I apologize if I sounded totally spastic, your story truly wrenches my heart and touches a nerve. I do hope all works out for you and your son.
It is true, at the age of 12 a kid can decide where they want to live regardless of the parents decision. Unless you have evidence and can prove the other parent is unfit you are out of luck! You can say whatever you want but no judge will accept he said she said statements. Witnesses are helpful though, but laws differ state to state!
In most states, a judge will not allow a child to live with an unfit or dangerous parent. Find another attorney and have him ask for a continuance to give you time to determine why your son thinks it would be so great to live with dad and to find a way to make sure the judge will get a true glimpse of who your ex is. Does your son think he will be able to get away with more at his dad's house? That alone is sometimes reason enough for a judge not to allow it.
I feel for you.

He is old enough to decide who he lives with. I don't know what state you live in but where I live the judge will allow him to live with his father.

You stay strong and hope that your son opens his blind eyes and sees his father for the person that he really is.
i dont kno why u wouldnt have moved fat away from that man